Planning / 3 min readThe Union in Frame journal
Children at your wedding: keeping them happy and in the pictures
Words by Union in Frame
Children bring a lot of life to a wedding, and a little unpredictability. A few practical decisions about timing, food, rest and who is looking after whom will keep them happy and occupied, and help the photographs show them as they really are.
Expect the aisle walk to go its own way
A flower girl or page boy asked to walk down an aisle may do it beautifully, stop halfway, or refuse altogether. All three make good photographs. Give them a short distance, a familiar adult waiting at the front, and a simple job such as carrying a basket or holding a sibling's hand.
Tell your registrar or celebrant and your photographer that children are part of the procession, so nobody rushes them. If a child decides against it, let a parent carry them or walk alongside. Nothing has gone wrong.
Take the group photographs before tiredness sets in
Children have a window. Early in the day they are curious and cooperative; by late afternoon many are hungry or bored, and coaxing rarely brings that back. Put every group that includes a child at the start of the family photographs, straight after the ceremony, while they are still interested.
Keep those groups short and few. Two or three combinations are more useful than a dozen. Once the children are done, let them go and play while the adult groups continue. Make sure your gathering helper knows which children are needed.
Feed them early and give them somewhere quiet
A wedding breakfast served late in the afternoon is a long wait for a child who ate at midday. Ask the venue whether children can be served first, or put out plain snacks they can reach without asking. Seat them within reach of a parent, with colouring or a small puzzle at their place for the speeches.
Find one quiet room or corner where a child can lie down or read. A few cushions and a familiar toy are often enough. Children who have eaten and rested are the ones still dancing in the evening.
Let them play and name the adult in charge
The best photographs of children are rarely the posed ones. A page boy investigating the cake, cousins racing across the lawn, a toddler asleep on a grandparent's shoulder: these are the pictures families keep. Give them something simple to do, such as bubbles or lawn games, and tell your photographer you want them photographed as they are.
Freedom needs a boundary. Name one adult outside the wedding party and your immediate family to keep an eye on the children and bring them to the photographs when needed. Introduce them to the photographer and the venue staff, and everyone else can relax.
If you decide on a child-free wedding
Some couples choose an adults-only day, and that is reasonable. What matters is how you say it. Put it on the invitation in plain, warm words, address the envelope to the adults by name, and say it early enough for parents to arrange childcare.
Expect a few questions and answer them the same way every time, so nobody feels singled out. If babies are welcome, or children in the wedding party are the only exception, say so clearly. Guests who cannot come will usually understand if told kindly and in good time.
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